I feel sick – Polish Film Festival

Julia Henel

I feel sick. My stomach is in knots, and the words “what the f…” are on the tip of my tongue. On top of that, Piotr Szczepanik’s “Goniąc kormorany” (chasing cormorants) keeps playing in my head – a song that will always bring back bad memories for me.

SICK is classified as a “horror-of-age” film – a term that (I won’t lie) I had to look up before watching it. It’s a genre that portrays adolescence as if it were a monster, tackling the theme of the loss of innocence and using metaphors to explore the fears associated with growing up. Agata Trzebuchowska, the film’s director, has reportedly wanted to tackle the subject of incest, and just how much of a taboo it is, for a long time. A coming-of-age horror and sibling love all in one. Heavy stuff. I kind of regret finding out all of this.

I regret that I couldn’t go into this movie without any expectations, without subconsciously trying to fit what I see into the explanation I’d been given. Because for a good part of the movie, I’m expecting something. I’m waiting for the moment when everything comes together and starts to make sense.

In vain.

Sixteen-year-old Maks travels to Masuria to take care of his sick grandmother. The place that once served as his childhood refuge turns out to be a strange and gloomy place. The people he once admired no longer hold the status of authority figures. His safe world is falling apart before his eyes.

From the very first minutes, SICK is, in its own way, a strange and unsettling film. The camera movements, Max’s behaviour, the opening dialogue, everything suggests that something isn’t quite right here. And then there’s the character of the grandmother. Instead of a kind, warm-hearted old woman, she is a naked, frail body that, rather than making old age seem familiar, instils fear.

The editing is a mess. Cuts, jumps, disjointed scenes, shifts in perspective. Before the sister appears on screen, before I find out that the characters are siblings, before I even realise that the film is, in fact, about incest, I’m completely confused.

At first it bothered me, but then I got used to it, just as you can get used to uncomfortable shoes – you can walk in them, but you still get blisters. SICK is cinema of discomfort.

Trzebuchowska wins me over with its atmosphere. The colours, the costumes, the locations, the soundtrack, and that Acting. Yes, with a capital A.

The acting is so natural that at times I felt as if I were intruding, getting in the characters’ way. As if I’d walked into their room without knocking, and now I should quietly leave because I’d just seen something I shouldn’t have. It’s really rare that, instead of watching actors, I feel like I’m spying on real people.

Katarzyna Łubik deserves special mention for her portrayal of Emma. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone so fresh playing such a… “stale” character. Łubik doesn’t overact her character. She’s natural, unsettling, and at times painfully ordinary.

The movie is suffocating. And that’s exactly what I write in my notes during the screening: “suffocating.” The tension builds as time goes on; it’s so intense that I actually start begging for it all to finally end.

Perhaps Trzebuchowska wanted this film to be both literal and understated? Nothing here is obvious; there’s no giant caption on the screen saying, “THESE ARE SIBLINGS. THIS IS WRONG.” No one explicitly explains that the protagonist is growing up, that he’s having a hard time coming to terms with how the place he knew from childhood has changed, or that the relationship between him and his sister is beginning to cross boundaries it shouldn’t. Instead, Trzebuchowska makes us feel it.

Suddenly, we begin to see the world from Max’s perspective while he’s high. We stop viewing the world from the safe vantage point of the viewer. We step into the protagonist’s mind. We see through his eyes; we feel his confusion.

Maybe that’s exactly why SICK is such an intimate film? Because it’s not a story for us, but a story about us? About that moment in life when something that seems innocent at first begins to spiral out of control. When our bodies, relationships, and our own minds cease to be things we fully understand. About things we can’t yet name, but which are making their presence felt more and more strongly. Add incest to the mix, and you get something that’s hard to watch comfortably.

That’s why the final scenes strike a chord of dissonance in me. Because the ending is cheesy. The ending is bad. Sure, it makes you want to yell at the characters to hide behind that tree, not the other one. But that’s such a cliché. Plus, there’s the chase, and a monster that literally looks like a monster. The ending doesn’t wrap anything up in subtle metaphors. It hits you right in the face.

But since we’re talking about something uncomfortable, maybe there’s no point in wrapping it up in a subtle metaphor. Instead, it’s better to shock the viewer. To make them forget what they’ve just seen.

 SICK tackles topics that are easier to look away from. I’ll probably never go back to it again. But that wasn’t the point, after all. Trzebuchowska’s film was meant to stay with me. And it will. Just like the song “Goniąc kormorany” (chasing cormorants) which already makes me feel sick.

SICK, directed by Agata Trzebuchowska. Screenings of the film are taking place as part of the Main Competition in Gdynia.